If everyone is behaving themselves and practicing courtesy and kindness, holiday shopping (not to mention everyday shopping) can be a little challenging, but not unbearable. However, I have just gotten home from a four hour pushing and shoving match that has led me to the first of my holiday rants, and it brings me to the conclusion that some of you may need to be smacked...
If you are a repeat offender in any/all of the following categories, please present yourself for the aforementioned holiday smack:
- If it NEVER crosses your lips in shopping lines or other congested situations to say, "After you, ma'am/sir", you need to be smacked.
- If you NEVER give up your seat or your place in line so that someone standing right behind you who is injured or physically handicapped can be helped sooner, and then complain about how long you have been in line, you need to be smacked.
- If you are a pushy/impatient driver who uses your horn like a weapon while driving or in parking lots without even considering that a lot of people are out and about, and that only your schedule matters, you need to be smacked.
- If you bring a child/children to a store/restaurant/any public location and allow them to scream, run, whine, and annoy people for the entire time you are shopping instead of going home, you need to be smacked. No excuses here - my sister has THREE kids, and she has left many places because her children were not behaving. NO ONE loves your children as much as you and your family do. Do NOT inflict these little angels on the general population. If you have a publically ill-behaved child/children and you cannot afford a sitter, you cannot afford to be away from home. Stay home until they can behave or until you can afford the aforementioned sitter. Otherwise, you, AND possibly your child/children, need to be smacked.
- If you throw trash OF ANY KIND on the ground in parking lots, sidewalks, or roads, someone has to pick that up. Be an adult, PICK THAT UP; otherwise, you need to be smacked, and then forced to pick the item up.
In the spirit of the season, I will set aside some time for volunteering purposes. I will be happy to serve as the Smack Commisioner in my area.